(This was supposed to be that typical postgrad reflection post. I don't think it turned out that way, lol.) It took awhile, but this is the last week of my "Final Countdown" series, something that I should've done a long time ago actually...hahaha.
I've lived a good part of my life swimming in education, being implemented structure in order to succeed. So I've been accustomed to a set of expectations about life and how to live it. Yes, even though we were taught the unexpected twists and turns of life, a very stubborn part of my believed that life can get a little easier when you have certain expectations about yourself that will keep you grounded and ready. More than four weeks ago, I graduated college and all of my expectation about postgrad life and myself were put to the test. I have to admit that I feel like I failed the expectations that I have placed on myself. Instead, I decided to do what I was always scared to do: embrace reality for what it will offer me.
My expectations after college were not ambitious. I have heard from numerous people, from alumni to adults that have been through it all, that life after the pursuit of education is not an easy one. It is the real world after all. I expected to be broke. I expected to be living at home. I expected to be in a place during my life that was a constant blur. In some ways, those expectations did occurr. Well, some of them.
In the weeks that passed after graduation, I felt enough emotions that would throw me off completely. After almost 2 months, I finaly came to terms with my mother's death, realizing that all this time I allowed myself to not think about it until I crossed that stage during commencement. I quickly lost friends, both ones that needed to leave and ones that I wished stuck around a little longer. I watched Netflix for days and days, while feeling the pain of seeking employment in a field that I am so thoroughly behind in. I felt fulfilled, as well as empty. I felt excited, yet at the same time scared of the prospect that maybe I made a mistake in college that will prevent me to succeeding in life.
Before I knew it, my expectations starting a downward spiral that I didn't even realize I was losing control over. I began to settle, to compare myself with people who have announced to the world their quick accomplishments after college through social media. I let it eat me up inside, until I didn't notice how far below I've come.
Thankfully, reality came to the rescue.
Currently, I work temporarily for the University that gave me my college diploma. I am an intern to an amazingly creative woman, whose passions begin to ignite my own. I still write, both for small income & for pleasure. I took up coding classes online, making sure that I am still learning something little by little.
I may not be where I wanted to be, but life and reality have given me the opportunity to start from scratch in a way. To use what I've learned to still learn and reach my goals. Maybe even, to be rid of my expectations and focus on reality and what it offers.